The Dream-Kite

They told me to dream, so I did.

"Dream BIG! Dream BOLD!"

"Okay, I will."

It was fun!

It was exciting!

It was mine.


I took it and ran with it. But, like flying a kite on a windless day, something felt wrong. I was running full speed ahead, holding tightly to the string with my dream at the end of it. There it was! Up in the air! Why was I so exhausted?

"Lord, I surrender my dream to you!" That should do the trick. Now I won't be so tired because I surrendered to God. And on I ran.  

"Okay, God, I surrendered. Why does it feel like something is still wrong? Oh, I know! The Devil must be attacking me! Lord, please protect me." That's it, this must be the enemy of my soul trying to thwart God's plan! And I kept on running.

Now, here I am, nearing the end of my third semester of Bible college. I am worn out and overwhelmed. I am going going going all the time, and I think my destination may just be in the other direction.

"Silly girl," you may be saying, "sometimes life is just hard. Sometimes reaching goals and fulfilling dreams means making effort and getting tired." Yes. I realize that. That isn't what I am talking about.

What I am talking about is being soul-weary because I am fighting for something I should let go of.

What I am talking about is fighting God's plan instead of fighting for God's plan.

What I am talking about is that I have a plan, and God has a plan, and I told God that my plan was his plan and called it surrender.

The parable of the Prodigal Son in Luke 15 comes to mind. The young man asks his father to give him the money that he would receive when his father dies. The father gives the son the money and he goes off and spends it all. When the son has reached his lowest possible point, he runs home to his father.

What stands out to me here is that the son does not say, "Father, why did you give me that money? How could you let me spend it all? You are far wiser than I, why did you not tell me not to do this?" The son simply goes back to his father and admits his own guilt. And the father accepts him right back into the family.

It is so easy for me to say, "God, why did you let me get off track? Why did you allow me to follow my plans instead of yours?" Because, to be honest, I think that a lot of the Lord directing my life goes something along the lines of:
            Me: "Lord, can I do this thing? I really want to do this thing. I know it doesn't really fit with
            what you've called me to, but I really want to do it."
            God: "Okay"
            Me: "Really? Cool!" (...a few months later...) "God, what am I doing?! I'm spent! Show me                 your plan! ... Ooh, can this other cool thing be your plan?"
            God: "Remember what happened last time?"
            Me: "Please?"
            God: "Okay."
And here I am today. Running back to Jesus. And I've known this whole time that his plan looked different than all these other things. But I really wanted to fly my kite.

I think it's kind of cool that he let me "fly my kite." Because I probably would spend forever wondering "what if," otherwise. But then I run back to him, exhausted, and he says "Welcome back! Now lets fly my kite, and lets do it together."