Some go unnoticed for a long time, until I'm asked to do something that I don't like. Then I see: pride, wrapped around my ankle, holding me down. Others I am aware of almost daily. Depression, broken off once, twice, three times, creeping back up around my neck. Addiction, encircling my wrist, no longer holding me to anything but still reminding me it's there.
Jesus breaks our chains though, right? We sing about that in church. I know it's true, he's done it in my life before. Why is it that so many are still there?
They are double-linked.
Also, they are valuable to me. Each one holds something for me as well as holding me. These are not just rusty old ugly clunky chains, they are shiny, enticing ones that happen to be much stronger than they appear to be.
But, as I said, they are double-linked. What is the second link?
Fear.
The extra strength comes form the fear of what would happen if I were free of these things. I know, it sounds crazy, but it's true.
I'm afraid of what God might ask me to do. I tell myself, "God can't use you if you have these things in your life. Now He won't ask you to do anything that you don't want to, because He can't!" I know, sounds really foolish, but I do it anyway.
God has been teaching me something lately though. Something I've known in my head for a long time that is being slowly moved down to my heart. He doesn't want to hurt me. He loves me. He wants what is best for me. Like Eve in the garden of Eden, I'm suspicious of God, I think he is trying to cheat me out of something really good. But He isn't. He is really good and He is trying to bring me closer to Himself by helping me to get rid of the things in my life that are hurting me, the shiny, deadly chains.

so beautiful. thank you for writing this Mahalia. love you!
ReplyDeleteThanks sooo much for this Hali! This is beautiful....and soooo true!!
ReplyDeleteWe fear God, but we don't have to be afraid of him. He is our Father, our Papa. I too, am learning fresh lessons about his love. I am soooo proud of you and love you! Keep it up!